Those Who Say Can’t Usually Mean Won’t

Dr Nicholas Jenner

its-never-about-the-trash-common-relationship-problems_part-1_dr-jeff-kaneHow many times have you heard someone say “I can’t change”? If you are like me, you have heard it many times. In most cases, what is really being said is “I won’t change”… I am happy with how I am and I see no reason to change. When you are in a relationship with such a person, you have a clear dilemma… do you accept this or not?

Let’s qualify the word “change”, we are not changing about changing a personality, to fit in with someone else that is not sustainable. We are talking about rigid thinking concerned with communication, conflict-management and attitudes that might alienate a partner, such as silent-treatment and stone walling. There are, of course, cases where such changes in thinking would be virtually impossible. There are people who are so convinced that their views and ways are so correct, that they do not the need…

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