With Narcissists, Action Always Speaks Louder Than Words

Some years ago I wrote about the three stages of narcissist relationship. This, at the time, resulted in many people contacting me and documenting their experiences of early experiences with potential partners who turned out later to have narcissist tendencies. They were mostly bowled over in the first phase, known as the adulation phase.

Dr Nicholas Jenner

When we start a new relationship, we let a few things go that we might not later. We don’t always set boundaries or recognise so-called ‘red flags’. The adrenaline is just running too high and that is just the way we want it. We want to enjoy this new feeling before routine sets in and the relationship moves into a different phase.

Many of my clients have described this early phase as one where they just did not want to see anything wrong with the person in front of them. Natural perhaps, but later they said they wished they had been a bit more open to being more realistic. Lessons learned. For codependents, this period is extremely difficult.  Given their inherent need to fix and give, they will naturally seek out partners who might naturally allow them to do that. These people especially need to be observed more than others…

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