I wonder how many of us create a version of ourselves that is lovable enough to keep the relationship going while subduing healthier independent parts of ourselves? I believe it is a struggle that codependents face on a daily basis. Just who am I? Or more usual, who should I be? How can we be accepted when in reality, we find it hard to accept ourselves?
So what is to be done? When I come across codependents, many of them are either out of a relationship (claiming they will never have another) or have realised somewhat belatedly that the person they are with is not the right one for them and they are looking to leave, (often the biggest battle).
The aim of this post is to evidence how difficult codependents find it to set boundaries, stand up for themselves or engage in effective conflict management. If you have been led to believe that you and your beliefs and needs are not worth anything, what have you got toi stand up for?
In the second episode of the Mental Health Round Up, I talk about something dear to all of us: Relationships. Listen as I discuss how relationships can go spectacularly wrong or be everything we ever wanted. I talk about the foundations of good relationships and what factors can destroy them. Finally, I discuss how couples therapy can help people decide their futures.
What do you do if you are being subjected to some or all of the above? Find the courage to leave as soon as possible and close the door tightly. Manipulators (who could also be undiagnosed sociopaths or narcissists) will likely never change and you will continue to enable their behaviour by accepting what they dish out. The price to pay will be your self-esteem, your identity and you will learn that your needs are not important.