If it was a bad break-up, that is that one partner was surprised or there was a general lack of communication and respect, then the process can be extremely traumatic for all concerned. How you handle it afterwards will largely depend on you as an individual, your coping mechanisms and your willingness to move forward.
I have realised that building a golden cage is no guarantee that the person inside it is going to be happy being there and may want to spread their wings at times. I have also hurt others with my codependency and my expectations of them.
I made a connection at that time that has persevered. My 13 year old self is with me most days. It’s hard sometimes when I am triggered into feeling the same as he did but I get through it by talking to him in a way that nobody did at the time. He has trouble trusting what people say to him to be true but I try to be consistent and build trust.
We all love the so-called ’honeymoon phase’ where everything and everyone is perfect. This is associated with the early part of a new relationship where
I once read an article that stated that the average therapist is closer to the narcissist end of the spectrum than the codependent. It stated that a lot of therapists have a ’God-like’ complex concerning the power they have. Though I have heard some real horror stories in my time as a supervisor and in general conversation with other therapists, I dont believe it to be generally true.
I’ve done an excellent job of explaining how things work to others, but I’ve done a poor job of following my own advice at times. With my self-disclosure, I’m hoping that it may be able to assist or encourage others who are going through similar situations.
Change is never easy but we face it every day. For some it is a terrifying experience, for others an opportunity. We all, see it, feel it and deal with in in different ways. How we see it, feel it and deal with it will generally determine how difficult it will be. I have written plenty on this site about how self esteem plays a role in dealing with change and decision making in general. I have even put together a challenge to help anyone to deal with moving through the process.