Once they are gone, even if they were the one who did the discarding, it is important to know that unless action is taken, they will never really be gone. They will always reserve the right to come back and tap into their ‘supply’ again, creating chaos all over again.
If it was a bad break-up, that is that one partner was surprised or there was a general lack of communication and respect, then the process can be extremely traumatic for all concerned. How you handle it afterwards will largely depend on you as an individual, your coping mechanisms and your willingness to move forward.
I have realised that building a golden cage is no guarantee that the person inside it is going to be happy being there and may want to spread their wings at times. I have also hurt others with my codependency and my expectations of them.
I made a connection at that time that has persevered. My 13 year old self is with me most days. It’s hard sometimes when I am triggered into feeling the same as he did but I get through it by talking to him in a way that nobody did at the time. He has trouble trusting what people say to him to be true but I try to be consistent and build trust.
We all love the so-called ’honeymoon phase’ where everything and everyone is perfect. This is associated with the early part of a new relationship where
I once read an article that stated that the average therapist is closer to the narcissist end of the spectrum than the codependent. It stated that a lot of therapists have a ’God-like’ complex concerning the power they have. Though I have heard some real horror stories in my time as a supervisor and in general conversation with other therapists, I dont believe it to be generally true.