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    1. ELLE

      Dear Dr. You mentioned to reach out to you, I am at my complete wits end of how to get my son and I out of the grip of my mother’s codependent control and manipulation, she has set my son to fear me, and I have fallen apart with calling off a marriage due to my mother’s influence by her fear of losing control. It has taken me this long to reach out, please help.

  1. Jamma

    This situation sounds very like my own. Except I have never felt like a golden child-as the grandchild. My grandmother did this to my mom and now my mom is passed away and I’m the only family member left to live with her. I don’t know how to exit this situation due to the extreme guilt I feel for leaving her alone. My social life and self esteem are suffering. I can’t talk to her about anything and the few times I was brave enough to say I wanted to move out she always says something like. She wishes she was dead. I also worry that even if I move out it won’t be any better for me that I will feel more guilty, she will be more depressed, and I’ll be driving back and forth to drive her around all the time. That’s all she needs me for really. Sometimes I think I’m overreacting and she isn’t that bad, but it’s cyclical. So I am the bad guy when shes not acting out. I can’t get my head around it and therapy hasn’t shown me any thing new.

  2. Robii McCann

    A child is 10 months old when the father passes away. The man was the second oldest out of five children but the only child that maintained a career and that never went to jail. So he is her “star” child. Once he is pronounced dead, as any mother would be, his mother is instantly hit hard with grief. He leaves behind three kids: female age 14 male age 5 female age 10 months. After the funeral has passed and a few weeks go by, the mans mother begins to disregard the also grieving mother of his youngest child with whom he was in a relationship with at the time of his death, and attempts to cling to her grandbaby saying “she all I have left of him” even though he has two other kids. Also before the death, she wouldn’t take time to sit with the baby for more than twenty minutes so the baby would always cry when the grandmother tried to the baby. Fast forward and now the baby is 9 yrs old. The grandmother has convinced herself no one but her need to the child, spoils the child like it’s her own child and disregards her other 9 grandkids. The child has become convinced that if she don’t live with her grandmother, her grandmother will be sad all the time because the grandmother misses her so much even thought the child’s mom must allow the child two weekends a month court ordered grandparents privilege. Can covert incest apply between a grandparent and grandchild? I’m at my wits end to say the least.

  3. C W Wade

    I think the article is catnip to the narcissist. In my experience, they have very poor insight so they’re most likely to think it’s about someone else who may be thwarting their ability to control. Blame a grandparent! Project it onto your spouses parents to alienate them. Controlling your spouse and children is easier if they’re isolated. I could go on, but they do a lot of damage.

    1. Dr. Nicholas Jenner

      Thank you for the comment. The article covers a very specific set of circumstances where a narcissist parent who treated their child as a golden child attempts to transfer that concept onto grandchildren. The original golden child, who is often obligated and has been taught to meet the needs of the narcissistic parent, allows access to the grandchildren and by doing so makes the abuse generational., Not all grandparents are warm and fuzzy !

  4. Amanda Leonard

    Dr. Jenner
    I have researched this topic and have not found much more information about how to stop this kind of abuse within my own family. My husband is the original abuse victim and to this day doesn’t see or want to see his mother’s actions toward himself or now our two daughters. Where can I find more information and what else can I do to keep this from happening to my children? My husband refuses to limit contact and I have been unofficially outcast from visits to his parents with the girls. What can I do? I’ve tried therapy with my husband but he always ends up right back to jumping at her every word. It there something or someway I can teach or protect my children from their grandmother’s insists on making my children responsible for her own happiness?

    Thank you for you work and I look forward to gaining my insight.
    Amanda Leonard