It all comes down to these two things.

There are some complicated programmes available for codependency recovery. Especially in the US, where the 12 Step culture is prevalent, much time, energy and indeed, money is spent on getting to the final hurdle. However, do we really know what the holy grail of recovery even looks like? I believe that many people who wish to recover are ‘over-grouped‘. I know of people who have up to five to ten meetings a day with various (sometimes obscure) groups, trying to move forward. My impression of some of these is that they spend a lot of time wallowing in and complaining about the perceived narcissists in their life who seem to be around every corner. As I stated in the Self Leadership for Codependents program, not everyone is a narcissist and even if, they are generally a symptom of codependency and not the cause. The work has to be done by the codependent on the codependent.

I firmly believe that the two most critical components of the recovery process from codependency are personal autonomy and the establishment of healthy boundaries. It is imperative to cultivate these areas in order to establish a self-sufficient and well-rounded existence. While it is difficult if you have been conditioned to seek solace in the external world and rely on others, it is not impossible to achieve and is work well worth doing.

What is the programme?

I am proud to introduce “Self-Leadership for Codependents” – a carefully curated podcast series of 13 episodes for Members Only, each one a step forward in understanding and overcoming the challenges of codependency and dedicated to addressing codependency issues and recovery. Topics covered include codependency awareness, codependency and relationships, debunking narcissism, the drama triangle, effective self-help for codependents through parts work, self-care and boundaries, personal autonomy,  my own personal journey, and maintaining your new-found self.

Click here to subscribe and for more details.

Personal autonomy is the ability to make informed, uncompelled decisions and to assume responsibility for one’s own existence. It entails acknowledging one’s own requirements, desires, and values and acting in accordance with them, regardless of external pressures or dependencies. Self-reflection is an essential initial step in the process of establishing personal autonomy. By engaging in consistent self-reflection through journaling, meditation, or consultation with a therapist, it is possible to acquire a more profound understanding of the motivations behind one’s actions and to develop strategies for managing them.

Another critical component is the establishment of personal objectives. Define your objectives in a variety of domains, including personal development, career, and relationships. Establishing and pursuing these objectives contributes to the development of a sense of direction and purpose. Furthermore, the development of personal autonomy can be substantially improved through the practice of decision-making skills. Begin by making decisions independently in minor matters, assessing the available options, considering prospective outcomes, and relying on your own judgement. As time progresses, this fosters confidence in your capacity to make more substantial, consequential decisions. Additionally, it is imperative to cultivate self-reliance. Develop the skills necessary to promote your emotional, financial, and practical well-being. This may involve acquiring new competencies, enhancing existing ones, and obtaining assistance when necessary, while also ensuring that you are not excessively reliant on others.

In order to safeguard our emotional, mental, and physical health, we establish boundaries. They assist in establishing our level of comfort and the manner in which we desire others to treat us. It is essential to establish healthy boundaries in order to maintain respectful and balanced relationships. Begin by recognising your limitations in order to establish healthy boundaries. Recognise situations or behaviours that cause you discomfort or tension, and comprehend your physical, emotional, and mental limitations. These are the areas in which boundaries must be established.

Clear communication is indispensable for the preservation of healthy boundaries. Clearly and assertively communicate your boundaries to others. Employ “I” statements to articulate your requirements without assigning blame or critiquing others. For instance, the statement “I require some personal time after work” is a straightforward method of establishing a boundary around personal time. Another essential skill is the ability to decline. Develop the ability to decline without experiencing any remorse. It is important to recognise that declining an invitation is both a legitimate and essential component of self-care. It aids in the prevention of exhaustion and the preservation of equilibrium in one’s interpersonal relationships.

It is equally crucial to respect the boundaries of others as it is to establish your own. In the same way that you have your own boundaries, others have theirs. Respecting the boundaries of others promotes healthy interactions and mutual respect, thereby establishing a standard for how you anticipate being treated in return. They can offer strategies and instruments for the effective establishment and maintenance of boundaries.