How To Navigate A Break-Up As A Codependent Intent On Connection
Break-ups can be nasty experiences and we all go through them. The best case scenario is that a couple can mutually agree to separate and logically work through that process. However, the presence of emotion and sometimes extreme emotion, makes that seemingly simple process extremely difficult. If you add into that mix, a level of codependency, then it complicates the matter greatly…
The Narcissist-Codependent Dance
Among my patient group (and circle of friends), there are people who continually allow others to take advantage of them, continue to give and stay in very toxic relationships. They attempt to make themselves indispensable for their partners (and everyone else) and become the local and family martyr…
Codependents: What To Do When Your Protective Mind Provokes Anger
In my job, I deal daily with lots of angry codependent people. There are those who are angry about something specific (and sometimes have a right to be) and those who are just angry. Sometimes, they do not even know why and they are often angry at things that they have no influence over at all. Behind every bout of anger is a fear driving the process…
How To Recognize The Basis Of The Inner Critic
Depression teaches us that we are not deserving of a normal, fruitful life. We go through long periods of believing that there is something inherently wrong with us. One of the major factors in this process is the formation of an inner critic which is a major underlying cause of depression and low self-esteem…
When Codependents Become Resistant To Therapy
It is wrong to assume that if codependency is identified as an issue, the person concerned is codependent with everyone in his or her life. There is usually only one or a number of people (or thing, e.g work, substances) but the typical behaviour associated with codependents does not necessarily get projected on everybody…
A New Year. New Codependency Issues, New Approaches
I read an article recently about happiness written by a journalist who works for the Times in London. He was commenting about a book he was reading, given to him at Christmas, about how to find happiness. The title doesn’t really matter, as there are many such books on the market and as his article said, most of the book he was reading mirrored most of those…
How To Be You In 2021 And Forget The Old
(The audio version if available for this post). It would have been very easy to write another post about the pandemic, still the most troubling aspect of our lives at present. While, with some luck, we might be rid of it sometime in 2021, that seems a long way off for many people. Our hope is the vaccine and we need to wait to see the results of this. So nothing about the pandemic but a look forward to my hopes for specific groups of people in 2021 based on what I see every day in my practice. However, first something personal…
We Will Likely Never Be The Same But Hope Prevails In Love And Understanding
(Listen while you work: the audio version of this post is available) What a Year! At the start of 2020, no-one could have predicted how the world would change as the year progressed. Even if we factor out all other issues that happened during the year, the big story was the pandemic and what it meant for us as human beings. After going through two lockdowns and likely a third in January, I know what it means for me in a positive and negative sense but we are all individuals and we would all have been affected in different ways…
How Resentment Is The Silent Killer Of Relationships
In my daily work as a therapist, I deal with couples who are struggling to keep their relationship together. There are many reasons for this and some are more successful than others at working on the issues that divide them…